Right now I’m feeling pregnant in that… huge belly, Braxton Hicks out the wazoo, some “strong” ones, tired, emotional. Kinda grumpy, don’t really want to be grumpy which is creating some residual “grumpy with myself for being grumpy” grumps.
Right now I’m eating… pretty much paleo, some gluten free things, some dairy.
Right now, like last time… My eczema is flaring a bit, but differently it is ONLY on my hands and inside my arms. A major improvement from last pregnancy and postpartum. It’s hard to even complain or feel bummed about it, even in the “flare” it’s still so much better than it was. So thankful for my healing. God is the best.
Also, last time at 37 weeks I was diagnosed with the flu, and over the weekend I had a 24 hour throw up stomach bug. Talk about deja vu. It was pretty gross, but did not induce a single contraction (just BH. All the BH) and I was able to sleep quite a bit when I wasn’t puking. What are the odds though?!?
And also, also like last time my camera mysteriously broke. Yep, just stopped working. I got an ambiguous error code, Googled, tried all the things, called Southeastern Camera and they recommended sending it to Canon. I got the diagnostic and repair estimate yesterday (almost $700 to replace mainboard) so we decided to just have it sent back and to save up for a new one. I’m bummed, to say the least. I cried quite a bit yesterday about not having it when Emmeline is born. I was really wanting to do some cool video at the birth center after her birth and to take my own newborn photos and our own “every day” photos of those early days. We’re gonna make it work and it’s fine, but it’s kind of sent me spiraling into another photo identity crisis, I feel like part of my body is missing. It’s going to be okay though! It will be A OK. Just kinda hard to believe it happened AGAIN and that I just sold my spare camera that literally sat untouched for over a year like a week before it died. Just, crazy bananas timing. I guess that’s what happens when you’re $5k away from paying off your student loans and you have to decide what you want more, a new camera NOW or to be debt free NOW. I feel like debt free NOW vs. October is the “right” choice, but I want a camera. Waaah. Okay, whining over.
Right now, this is different than last time in that… It’s going by so fast. And I’ve been more emotional like this week than I ever have in my life. Yesterday I wept through putting Lincoln down for nap and just laid and snuggled him for a long time and watched him sleep like a total creeper. Our just the two of us days have been so sweet and wonderful, and I have zero regrets. It just went by a lot faster than I anticipated!
Also, the weight gain is CRAZY. If I continue gaining at this pace and deliver at 40 weeks, I will have gained a total of 30 pounds EXACTLY. SO different from Lincoln, where I weighed a legitimate forty pounds more at this point. I really could care less about the whole weight thing (really just more concerned with a whole body eczema flare– that is to me what I think “baby weight” is to a lot of moms), I know that with eating well, sleeping, walking (etc) afterwards the weight will come off as needed (or my body will hoard it for milk-making like it did last time)– nothing is permanent. But it’s just crazy how different this has been with my body actually, like, healthy.
Right now I’m wearing… oversized t-shirts. I got two XXL man shirts at Target for $3 each, one has Ninja Turtles on it and the other has Curious George on it and I’m just rotating them. My Lularoe Julia dresses still fit (pretty much a cute oversized T) and I have a couple of maxi skirts on repeat. Thankful for the warm weather for sure, for sure. Also, flip flops. I like flip flops.
Right now I’m watching… Right now we are watching Chuggington. Spring Break, woop woop. Also watched Madagascar and the Netflix Madagascar holiday special quite a few hundred times already this week.
Right now I’m listening to… listening through the Seven Mile Miracle series via podcast. Because of our weird serving schedule and FPU and being sick and randomness I haven’t caught every week “live” so catching up– it’s so good. Can’t wait to read the book someday.
Right now kinda nervous about… a little nervous that I have a forever pre-labor ahead of me again. There have been a few times in the past couple of days where there’s been significant contractioning for half an hour or so and then it’ll just stop. Trying to stay positive and walk, eat all the pineapple and trust that God’s timing is perfect! I’m really not “over it” in terms of pregnancy, I’ve felt great and still feel great, I think it’s just knowing that she *could* come any day and that my body is getting ready has me like LET’S DO THIS OK? I forgot what a mental struggle the last stretch is. Just, all the mind games. All the “is this it? Is this labor? Is it starting?” Praying for myself in that I can let it go and just be surprised when labor starts. My midwives won’t check for dilation until my due date, so trying to adjust my perspective to enjoy one of life’s greatest surprises and not focus on the what ifs.