Uncategorized

The One Where We Got Married: Part I

I was driving down I-40 today, trying not to be bored when I decided to sneak a peek at my email. I’ve recently tried to stop smart-phoning while driving, for obvious reasons, but it is so hard in a 45 mile commute to and from work. I get so bored just driving. To my complete surprise, I had an email from Nancy Ray that she put a preview of our wedding pictures on her blog. I immediately got off at the next exit, which was the rest stop in Benson and on my little teeny iPhone screen got to see our wedding day. While the day was happening, it was the most surreal feeling of complete happiness and joy, and the further away we get from the day the less I remember about the details, what was said, what was meant, what happened….but looking at those pictures just brought back every little happy, joyful moment of the day. (That my friends, is why you do not skimp on a wedding photographer. You may be overwhelmed with prices, but at the end of the day, it is the pictures that stay with you, not the centerpieces or the programs, or the chairs you rented, it’s the moments that a great photographer gets.)

I didn’t really have any expectations for our wedding day. There are so many shows and wedding blogs and websites out there that capitalize on this notion that girls plan their wedding day from the moment they are little girls and hear their first fairytale. This really wasn’t true for me. After we got engaged, I even tried to trick myself into thinking I had a dream wedding…you know big stuff, horse drawn carriage, ball gown, matchy matchy bridesmaid dresses, flowers, the whole shebang. The more I tried to convince myself I owed myself some dream, extravagant day, the more I was faced with the reality of what was in my heart: I do not care. I just want to officially be associated with this kid, Marshall. I wanted it to be fun, comfortable, colorful, creative and enjoyable… just like life with Marshall is.

So this brings me to the true desire of my heart. Our wedding day was my dream wedding. Hands down. The few things I had in mind were a fun dress (it had pockets, seriously, life complete), I wanted to do fun little crafty things (make bouquets, button-eires, and other whimsy things), I wanted there to be a coloring table (I love coloring…probably more than the average adult should), I wanted banana pudding and I wanted pictures of us in a field all colorful. All the other details, things that Marshall envisioned and just did were things I didn’t even know I wanted. The pinwheels, he seriously just made them one day when I was at work. The signs he hung everywhere that he carefully stenciled and some he free-handed (his skills amaze me). Things that were so just, unlikely, that it was so evident that God was creating this wedding celebration for us. So, back to the desire of my heart thing.

There is this verse in the book of Psalms, chapter 37 verse 4:

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. 
I think this verse is taken out of context. Actually, I think most of my life, until recently I have taken this verse out of context. I think often we think if we dream these big dreams for ourselves, and come up with these things that we really, really, really, really want, these will become the desires of our hearts…when in reality, they are just things we really want. We think that if we want them hard enough and we are “good Christians” God will give them to us, because well, it’s our desires and our hearts. I think a desire in our hearts is something we don’t even know we want. We don’t even know we desire it, until it is face to face with us and we see it for what it is: fulfillment of something that your soul longs for. When you die to yourself and give your heart to Jesus, that means you are giving away your wants… your wants become His wants for you. I see this so much in my life now. I never dreamed I would be a teacher, but I randomly checked a box on a piece of paper about 6 years ago and now I am in a job that I am unmistakably designed for. Some days I may be frustrated with the system that I am reluctantly becoming a part of, but at the end of the day a part of my soul is filled knowing that my job and my being a teacher is not only fulfilling to me, but it is a desire that is formed after my Father’s heart. I think the best way to have your heart’s desires fulfilled is for your brain to stop telling your heart what it wants. Then joy comes.
That being said, my wedding, ahem, I guess our wedding was what I had been longing for my entire life. It was. It was the perfect day for Marshall and I to begin our married life. So this is part one of what will become many parts, as I share all the things God did for us for our wedding day. I mean, it’s unbelievable. Seriously, it is impossible for me to look at our wedding pictures (and the memories in my head) and not be blown away but the complete and unmistakeable hand of our Creator in the midst. Seriously, so cool.
I love looking at wedding blogs and seeing a single picture that just makes me stop and take a breath. I am so happy to have a picture of this moment. My heart is so happy!
PS: Being married is the coolest thing ever. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s